Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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