so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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