I just threw up on my dentist
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i will never coherently bang her
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize