last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
