OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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