why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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