who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
