you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
