You just made me feel so damn special
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
