Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
