My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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