So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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