you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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