my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I don't deserve a penis
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
