Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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