I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
