I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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