So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
