He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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