he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just gargled with NyQuil
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
