I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
