im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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