he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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