I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
