Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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