you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
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