i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
