can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
