Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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