Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You're completely useless in the revolution.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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