Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
