Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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