ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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