spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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