honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
