Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Is Oprah even human
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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