I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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