so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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