why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Randomize
