So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
