We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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