Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
