Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize