I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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