she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
