Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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