Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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