It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
