dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
