Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 ðŸžðŸ·
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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