oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize