Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize