he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
smell my finger.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Everclear isn't food dammit
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
