I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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