Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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