It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
