Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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