I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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