oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
