please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
