There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
