my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
