do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
