I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
