we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
