What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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