her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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