Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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