Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
