You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
