i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am naked and annoyed.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize