Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
