Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
