my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
